You are the Makers of History!
  • Home
  • More Historic Pictures!
  • Books
  • Hit Us Up
  • Blog
  • Coming Events
  • Videos
  • Donations

This System Works To Convince Us that Our Work is Meaningless

7/26/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
I've graduated to the point where I am able to say and feel confidently that the majority of the time, its this system that makes people behave in insane ways towards me, you, and everyone else.  That would mean in a high percentage of instances, I am not the problem (believe me, for the times it is on me, I am well aware of it and working to take full responsibility for it).  Recognizing this has helped me release a major element of anxiety which has led to much healthier living on my part.  

For example, I lived most of the my first forty something years on Earth here in California.  Then, I moved to Oregon for ten years.  Then, back to California since March of this year.  What separates my life from most people is 90% of my life has been spent engaging in political activism of a revolutionary nature.  By saying that, it automatically means most people have no idea what my work consists of, even when it is directed at them and they benefit from it.  And even people I work closely with, and especially those that I don't, are programmed every day to see someone like me as operating with a little less than sanity as my foundation.  What I've discovered is this is the reality of most activist work, especially that of a revolutionary nature.  So, consequently, many people over time find the stress of this unbearable.  And for anyone who takes time to understand this phenomenon, it shouldn't be hard to see why this work takes such a toll on us.

When I was in Sacramento before, I did quite of bit of work here.  I played a leading role in institutionalizing several instruments of resistance like African Liberation Day, the fourth of the lie, the annual N word forum, and many other things designed to build our capacity to heal and fight back against oppression.  I helped build alliances and relationships with a number of organizations.  I helped develop a number of organizer/activists.  Now, anyone who has even a slightest understanding of this work knows that inclusive of doing all of this is the need to work closely with people, building relationships.  And, this isn't something that happens overnight.  You have to invest in people and I can say proudly that I did that by spending time with people.  Visiting with them.  Helping them with their family issues.  Providing a regular ear and supporting them in spiritual and often physical ways, often in ways that placed myself in great risk.  I say this because I did that as a common practice and it is no exaggeration to say I formed those types of relationships with dozens, probably even hundreds, of people over a period of two decades during my previous tour of California.  That's two decades of consistent and intense relationship building, hard work, dependability.  Now, you would think that after doing all of that, despite the fact I freely acknowledge I'm not the best person at keeping in contact with folks (although I'm trying to improve), people would remember your commitment to them and hold a space for you in their lives?

What I've found in returning to California is for the most part, amazingly, that isn't true.  Many people who I thought I had close relationships with before barely speak to me when I see them now.  And, I'm talking about people who I helped de-arrest, rescued from domestic violence, provided resources to live on, counseled in moments of extreme desperation.  Barely see me to speak to me now.  Now, I have to admit that this is a jolt, but I've learned that I have no reason to internalize any of this despite the fact that it feels very much like a personal rejection.  I've told myself that all I did was try to be there for folks as a part of the principles I've tried my best to live my life by.  I have to remind myself that despite how those folks react to me now, they reached out to me before because they knew I had some commitment to those principles.  Plus, I can tell by the way they interact with me that at least some of them are not doing anything designed to intentionally hurt me.  If anything, they act as if our previous history never existed.  And, I know I never did anything to betray them, so what gives?

I've landed in a place where I believe what happens in this regard often has absolutely nothing to do with me.  What's happening is maybe my leaving previously triggered something in those folks?  Or, they have had some life experiences that have nothing to do with me.  That speak more to their inability to express themselves than anything I've done materially to make them act that way towards me?  That makes sense to me because I know this system teaches us to put up fronts, not deal with our real feelings.  And as a result, we all do that to some degree.  No one wants to place themselves out there.  No one wants to risk getting hurt.  Since I've always been someone who places myself out there much more than most people, I cannot lie and say these experiences are not painful.  They are immensely painful, but I think I've come to understand them in a healthy way.

When I see people now that I knew before I moved to Oregon, I don't automatically greet them with complete enthusiasm as if we will pick up where we left off as I used to do.  I wait to gauge where they are with seeing me again and I take it from there.  If they act as if we are just meeting for the first time, although I used to watch their children regularly for them free of charge so they wouldn't lose their job, I don't take it personal.  I just know what to expect from that person going forward.  And, since  I know I did what I thought was right, I try to let it go at that.  

And another thing I've institutionalized in my behavior is making sure I let people who performed important roles in my life know it.  I've done this to several people since returning to California because I don't want them to feel as I've felt.  Maybe they wouldn't feel like me.  I am extremely sensitive.  Its that empath thing, but I am also astute enough to know when something is happening to me.  Anyway, I'm glad I've been honest and open with my mentors because that makes me feel whole, despite whatever the other people are throwing at me.  

And now that I've established a similar history during my time in Oregon, I'm looking forward to visiting there soon.  And, when I do, I know good people there who I will definitely pick up where I left off.  And, I know there are people who will act in that strange way towards me that I've described here, but no worries.  I am only responsible for how I walk through the world.  I can't control how anyone else does the same.  I know who I am and what I'm about and I'm learning how to be good with that, despite whatever else is thrown into the mix.  I know all of this is true because there are also the many, many people here in Cali who have stopped me on the street and expressed such appreciation for me being back that tears have come to my eyes.  I know there is that in Oregon as well and I greatly appreciate it.  

I just hope all of this can help anyone else who feels this same way because I know I can't be the only one.  Capitalism is expert at dehumanizing us and producing pain.  In fact, whatever pain you experience in your life, if you give me three minutes, I can tell you in a completely ill refutable way how capitalism is at the root of your pain.  So, know that, and do one other thing.  Let's continue to spread the word together because healthy organizers are successful organizers.  The role of imperialism is to wear us down and out of the struggle.  There will always be plenty happening to contribute to that.  So, lets build each other up.  Its a long fight ahead of us and we need each and everyone of you in it.


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    I don't see disagreement as a negative because I understand that Frederick Douglass was correct when he said "there is no progress without struggle."  Our brains are muscles.  Just like any other muscle in our body if we don't stress it and push it, the brain will not improve.  Or, as a bumper sticker I saw once put it, "If you can't change your mind, how do you know it's there?"

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    June 2022
    March 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly