I've wanted to write about this topic for a while now because I've been outraged by the blatant ignorance, arrogance, and insensitivity displayed by patriarchy influenced men and women against women who are sexual assault survivors. What has me angered is how judgmental these folks are being about how some women react to rape trauma. My frame of reference as a heterosexual man is the trauma I experienced at the age of 14 when three thirty-something European (white) men in San Francisco decided to take out their racist anger and frustration on me. The result is I was beaten at a bus stop and hospitalized for three days. The physical pain from that attack dissipated after a period of time, but the emotional trauma, I still live with today, forty years later. I still remember clearly the numbness I felt from being pelted with the n word by those men repeatedly while they did their best to end my life. The contempt that coated the way they kept saying that word to me couldn't have been any worse if I had killed their mother(s). They used it so many times while inflicting harm upon my body that I still flinch today when I hear the word. And that's whether someone near me uses it, I hear it in a song or movie, or if I just anticipate that I'm going to hear it. In fact, the word for me came to symbolize the attack which is why all you apologists for the word may as well be speaking Mandarin Chinese to me when you try and justify it's usage. The second jolting reference I retain from that day is the fact the attack occurred at a major public transit center where there were at least 20 people present at the time I was attacked. All adults. People with children who would have been my age at the time. All of them European. Everyone was staring at me being brutalized, but no one moved to help me. No one even said a word in my defense. At least not one I could hear. That experience instilled a deep seated distrust of European people in my mind that caused me to recoil whenever a large group of them generated a loud response. Like at sporting events or concerts. It was not until a few short years ago that I was able to effectively move past that element of my trauma.
I'm not a woman. I'm not transgender. Although my physical presence today is one many people would characterize as imposing, and as a result, I don't typically have to deal with anyone attempting to harass me ever, I continue to understand the feeling of being attacked and traumatized. Being dehumanized. I also know that when those terrible things happen you don't always react right away. And, everyone reacts differently. Your brain acts to protect your emotional stability and often that means blocking out the trauma of the events from your subconscious mind. I'm no trained psychiatrist, but I know from my experience that without parents who were equipped to support me on the emotional level that I needed after that attack, I had no one to talk to about the life changing experience I suffered that day. So, my mind did what it was qualified to do. It told me that something like that only happens to people for a reason. And since my parents, bless their souls and sincere efforts, couldn't help me realize I was a victim, and what that meant, I concluded that the best response was for me to bury my feelings about the attack. So, I never talked about it. I never thought about it. At least not consciously. In spite of the fact my left eye was permanently damaged from the attack, I didn't disclose that to anyone for 30 years. For a long time, I even tried lying to eye doctors about it until one doctor who cared enough decided to challenge question whatever story I made up to explain why my eye was challenged to focus properly. That was my way of dealing with it. So, don't tell me that just because women aren't coming out and accusing someone like Bill Cosby in a period of time that you deem appropriate that this represents proof that they are lying. If you knew anything about how people deal with trauma, you would know better than to say stupid things like that. And my experience didn't and doesn't contain any of the stigma that rape survivors carry. There is still a large segment of this backward society who believe it isn't even possible for women to be raped because in the minds of these folks, women are basically objects for men's sexual pleasure. On some warped and dysfunctional level, you can find some variant of this belief structure in scores of women and men in this world. In other words, the burden of proof on rape is always on women. This is even more so the case when they are accusing a celebrity. A well respected celebrity. The odds against them are going to be overwhelming. Their entire sexual history, not just whatever happened between them and the accused, but every sexual encounter they have ever experienced, will be subject to public scrutiny.
The other part that angers me is how dishonest people are. If the rape survivor is your daughter, wife, friend, sister, mother, etc., you know damn well that you wouldn't permit anyone to place anything close to the scrutiny and shame on them that you place on women you don't know. So stop being such shameful hypocrites. And on a related note, people need to learn just the basic rudimentary aspects of rape before the spouting out occurs. People like Damon Wayans look extremely stupid making statements like someone is not attractive enough to be raped. Rape is a violent crime of power and domination. Rape occurs using body parts, all types of body parts, as well as non-body weapons. Common rape survivors are 85 year old women. The bodies of dead people are raped. Babies are raped. Animals are raped. So, blow up the vision that rape is a case of a guy being turned on sexually. Get this through your heads Rape is not a crime of physical attraction. It's a crime of violence, intimidation, and domination. Period. So, start treating every person who says they were raped the same way you would treat your daughter if she makes that accusation. This is important because if we want a community based upon justice, we have to create a system where celebrities and other people of privilege are held accountable the same way everyday people are held accountable.
I am a strong and confident man who loves and respects myself. Consequently, I have love for all people who have a desire to see a just world. That means women, including transgender women, and everyone who fits the criteria I expressed about justice. So, that means that anyone who commits rape, anyone who justifies rape in any way, here is a word of warning. Our movement is weak today, but that will not be the case forever. Right now these people may think their biggest problem is escaping terrorist police, but one day they will be running to the police in order to escape the wrath of an organized community that will no longer tolerate this nonsense.
I'm not a woman. I'm not transgender. Although my physical presence today is one many people would characterize as imposing, and as a result, I don't typically have to deal with anyone attempting to harass me ever, I continue to understand the feeling of being attacked and traumatized. Being dehumanized. I also know that when those terrible things happen you don't always react right away. And, everyone reacts differently. Your brain acts to protect your emotional stability and often that means blocking out the trauma of the events from your subconscious mind. I'm no trained psychiatrist, but I know from my experience that without parents who were equipped to support me on the emotional level that I needed after that attack, I had no one to talk to about the life changing experience I suffered that day. So, my mind did what it was qualified to do. It told me that something like that only happens to people for a reason. And since my parents, bless their souls and sincere efforts, couldn't help me realize I was a victim, and what that meant, I concluded that the best response was for me to bury my feelings about the attack. So, I never talked about it. I never thought about it. At least not consciously. In spite of the fact my left eye was permanently damaged from the attack, I didn't disclose that to anyone for 30 years. For a long time, I even tried lying to eye doctors about it until one doctor who cared enough decided to challenge question whatever story I made up to explain why my eye was challenged to focus properly. That was my way of dealing with it. So, don't tell me that just because women aren't coming out and accusing someone like Bill Cosby in a period of time that you deem appropriate that this represents proof that they are lying. If you knew anything about how people deal with trauma, you would know better than to say stupid things like that. And my experience didn't and doesn't contain any of the stigma that rape survivors carry. There is still a large segment of this backward society who believe it isn't even possible for women to be raped because in the minds of these folks, women are basically objects for men's sexual pleasure. On some warped and dysfunctional level, you can find some variant of this belief structure in scores of women and men in this world. In other words, the burden of proof on rape is always on women. This is even more so the case when they are accusing a celebrity. A well respected celebrity. The odds against them are going to be overwhelming. Their entire sexual history, not just whatever happened between them and the accused, but every sexual encounter they have ever experienced, will be subject to public scrutiny.
The other part that angers me is how dishonest people are. If the rape survivor is your daughter, wife, friend, sister, mother, etc., you know damn well that you wouldn't permit anyone to place anything close to the scrutiny and shame on them that you place on women you don't know. So stop being such shameful hypocrites. And on a related note, people need to learn just the basic rudimentary aspects of rape before the spouting out occurs. People like Damon Wayans look extremely stupid making statements like someone is not attractive enough to be raped. Rape is a violent crime of power and domination. Rape occurs using body parts, all types of body parts, as well as non-body weapons. Common rape survivors are 85 year old women. The bodies of dead people are raped. Babies are raped. Animals are raped. So, blow up the vision that rape is a case of a guy being turned on sexually. Get this through your heads Rape is not a crime of physical attraction. It's a crime of violence, intimidation, and domination. Period. So, start treating every person who says they were raped the same way you would treat your daughter if she makes that accusation. This is important because if we want a community based upon justice, we have to create a system where celebrities and other people of privilege are held accountable the same way everyday people are held accountable.
I am a strong and confident man who loves and respects myself. Consequently, I have love for all people who have a desire to see a just world. That means women, including transgender women, and everyone who fits the criteria I expressed about justice. So, that means that anyone who commits rape, anyone who justifies rape in any way, here is a word of warning. Our movement is weak today, but that will not be the case forever. Right now these people may think their biggest problem is escaping terrorist police, but one day they will be running to the police in order to escape the wrath of an organized community that will no longer tolerate this nonsense.
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