Ahjamu Umi's: "The Truth Challenge"
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Learning How to Ensure People are there for You

4/8/2017

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I admit that I'm sitting here writing this on my 55th birthday because penning this will provide some personal comfort.  You see, I had a confirmation incident happen this morning that made it clear to me that I'm really tired of being there for people who are never there for me.  That's it.  And, I know many of you know what I'm talking about and if you don't, its probably because you are the person who is always using all everyone has to offer while providing little in return.  

I completely get that this is an exploitative system.  Therefore, I understand that people with limited economic capacity have to take advantage of every opportunity they have, which isn't often.  Still, there is a fine line between taking advantage of limited chances and using people.  And, even the most so-called conscious person can easily adopt a "hustler" mentality where they see you, without meaning to, as a means to an end.  I acknowledge that this has been a problem for me my entire life and its time to stop it.  You see, like many of you, I put myself out there for people as a regular practice.  Can I buy your dinner (because I know you would have difficulty doing it yourself)?  Can I mentor your son?  Can I give you a ride?  Can I confront someone for you?  Can I be a friend by stepping up to the plate in the way you need?  I do all those things, all the time.  Regardless of the consequences I reap as a result of doing it.  So, I can't blame anyone else for that piece, but I can say that my momma was right when she said "you gotta give something to get something."  That means we all should make that effort to think about what we are doing and is it self service motivated all the time?  Do we think of all the elements and how things impact others?  All good people should include that complete analysis in everything we do.

So, I know that we train people how to treat us so I'm writing this to declare that my time of being used in this way is over, humanity.  Don't get me wrong.  Being a generous and selfless type is who I really want to be so I'm never going to be that person who sees every person as a vehicle.  What  I'm saying is I'm going to be there for the people who are there for me.  I'm not going to say who you are, because you know who you are.  You are wonderful and selfless people.  You are that person who helped me out of a legal jam.  The person who came down here with me and helped me move.  The one who constantly called and texted to check on me after Portland drama in December.  The comrade who organized that wonderful karaoke night.  The wonderful person who recently expressed your concern about not hearing from me on social media in a little while.  That comrade who consistently checks on me along with my friends here who do the same.  I can go on and on, but you get the point.  I'm closing ranks with my people and I'm good with that.  Quality over quantity.

And I encourage you good people to do the same house cleaning.  If you are always there for people, but none of them ever even see the necessity to invite you out for a 25 cent mint, then cut those people loose.  And remember that some of these people we are talking about are probably decent people, but they have been socialized to see the world and people through a very dysfunctional lense.  You people who are in this category, I realize its hard to hear, but you need to be thinking about that.  The incident I referenced this morning involves a person who I think fits in the good person, bad practices category, but just because that's the reality, it doesn't make it ok.  Do better.  How the hell are you going to create a new and better world when you perpetuate the backward values of exploitation against the people who come through for you?  How do I know that?  Just invoke one third of the enthusiasm for people who need your help that you invoked when they were helping you.  Take the same initiative, follow up, concern.  You know what I'm talking about because you do it perfectly when you need support.

Typically, I use this space to address social matters in society. I rarely, and I mean very rarely, express personal stuff as I'm doing here, but this is important.  We can't keep looking at using people's resources like the multi-national corporations look at using the world's resources.  Just use it up and go to the next thing.  Let's learn to appreciate each other.  Even if we are unable to continue to engage with each other as friends, comrades, lovers, etc.  We should take the extra step to try and maintain civility and mutual respect.  If we don't make that effort we can be the best social media revolutionaries we can muster.  We can shape whatever narratives we wish, but we will never change anything beyond the sorry state its in right now.  So, my pledge to all of you is I won't take you for granted.  For those who have made sincere efforts to reach out and maintain contact, especially those who have done so in an effort to express support and love for me, I see you and appreciate you, all of you.  I am working on keeping in touch the same way because you matter.  Keep doing what you are doing and I'll do the same.  For the rest, do some work you'll.  You can do better.  Ok.  I'm done.  And, I do feel like I'm in a much improved state.  So, back to writing about the political stuff.  Now I'm off to enjoy my birthday!

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    I don't see disagreement as a negative because I understand that Frederick Douglass was correct when he said "there is no progress without struggle."  Our brains are muscles.  Just like any other muscle in our body if we don't stress it and push it, the brain will not improve.  Or, as a bumper sticker I saw once put it, "If you can't change your mind, how do you know it's there?"

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