You are the Makers of History!
  • Home
  • More Historic Pictures!
  • Books
  • Hit Us Up
  • Blog
  • Coming Events
  • Videos
  • Donations

Celebrating Women, Mothers, and The Trauma and Loneliness of It

5/13/2018

0 Comments

 

In a world dominated by an economic system (capitalism) that relegates human beings to commodities - especially women - grasping a day that honors women is critically important.  This is certainly true as it relates to mothers who in every culture, are the source of light and glue that holds any semblance of family together in this anti-family society we live in.  We of course should honor women this way everyday, not just on the day that capitalism designates us to do it (so we can spend money of course).  And, most of us who make every attempt to be conscious of our existence, do try to engage in this honor daily, but since today is the day most people are going to recognize in this light, we wish to bring a spot light to the power and struggles of the day.

I of course remember my own mother.  Born and raised in Monroe, Louisiana, U.S., her life was a very difficult one and like all of us, those experiences shaped her.  Since she would never explain the sources of her anger and difficulties, I had to take time to do my own investigative work and what I found is the realities of her experiences were more horrific than she could have ever communicated.  The most sad thing about this is her experiences were by no question unique.  They were the typical experiences of African women, everywhere.  And, despite her best efforts, those dysfunctions transferred to me as is the systemic case for the vast majority of our people and humanity. 

Today, I sit here on this day with my mother - Clothilde Dewhart - no longer present in her physical form.  She, along with my father - Richard Dewhart - and my sister and brother, are all deceased.  All of them left the Earth well before they should have and I'm convinced this is the direct result of the complex elements of our oppression as a people.  The stress, early poverty, institutional racism, all of it.  I saw my parents frustration at the system on a daily basis and I internalized it long before I began to experience my own frustrations on a systemic level.  

Like all of us, I absorbed all of my dysfunctions and I've spent my entire life fighting against them.  The attention I didn't get from my parents I spent much of my life pursuing from relationships.  Trying to fill that hole.  That didn't work.  I sit here today thinking of my mother, loving her, appreciating all that she sacrificed for me (and it was a lot).  I hold no negative feelings about anything from my youth.  I know my parents both did the best they could with what they each had to work with, which wasn't much.  In fact, they did an outstanding job considering the pressures they were under.  Still, I sit here today, lonely as hell.  Thinking about the dysfunctions that haunt me, the work I've done against them, and how I declare myself ready to move on and improve my abilities to meet someone.  I think I'm in a place where I've concluded that its all a process and I'll meet whomever I'm supposed to meet whenever I'm supposed to meet them.  In the interim, I know I need to keep doing what I'm trying to do.  Fight through my issues and continue to struggle to grow and be a better human being.  That's hard because on the surface anyway, it doesn't feel as if too many women are interested in men like me.  It feels like my intensity often intimidates women and my values and lifestyle e.g. African liberation, socialism, no smoking, drinking, studying, etc., seems completely unattractive to most people.  I don't know, but I tell myself that regardless of those feelings, I know I'm fun to be around.  I try hard to be an asset to any situation.  Its a dilemma, but I want to believe there are enough who do appreciate what I am.  I know I bring a lot to the table so it must be that the timing just isn't right I guess.  And, one day everything will come together.

As for the loneliness, I feel like I just need to embrace it.  Let it run its course.  Its here today because I wish I had my mother (and father) to reach out to.  I wish their lives had been better.  I wish I could have done more to make their lives better.  And, I wish I had learned to take better care of myself earlier.  I wish I had known the value of me because I used to give it away so easily.  Its a lot.  I wish I could go with parents to visit my daughter and that we could sit around and laugh and enjoy each other.  I wish I had a partner to go with us, with me.  Someone who isn't intimidated.  Who sees my attributes as strengths and who appreciates the support I would provide for her.  Who my daughter would look up too.  A person to be in my life.  I don't have that.  And, my parents obviously can't take that trip with me.  At least not physically.  Thus, the loneliness.  I hate feeling this way on such a nice day, but I guess I just need to live in it and live through it.

So, I'm going to try my best today, and everyday, to take a positive bend on all of this.  The losses I've suffered are without question the result of our oppression as a people so instead of sulking about that, I commit my life to struggling for our liberation.  That makes me feel better.  And, in doing so, I continue to work on myself and that will hopefully place me in the position for the things I wish to come into my life.  Sweat now to avoid bleeding later.  That's always been my approach, but no matter what happens to me, one lesson I definitely leave today with.  The enemies cannot and will not define my perception of my mother or any African woman, or any woman period for me.  The work of our struggle for justice will do that.  And, I'll honor my mother and all women for what they did and try to do.  So, even though imperialism only promotes today to make money off of it (as evidenced by all the people buying flowers and candy, etc., in the supermarket I just left), I'm going to use it to reaffirm what's right.  I'm also going to use it to remind myself that whatever sadness I feel, is there for a reason.  I won't deny it.  I'll sit with it today.  And, I hope for something better while doing everything I can to make that happen.  She didn't always know how to say or it and/or she didn't usually communicate it the right way, but I know that's exactly what Ms. Cleo always wanted for me.  So, if you still have your mother, instead of focusing on the problems, try to figure out how to work through them.  My mother and I did that, but we ran out of time.  Don't waste yours if you still have some.  And, if your situation is like mine, celebrate the beauty of what you shared and use it to build on yourself.  That's what today should mean beyond the brunches and flowers.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    I don't see disagreement as a negative because I understand that Frederick Douglass was correct when he said "there is no progress without struggle."  Our brains are muscles.  Just like any other muscle in our body if we don't stress it and push it, the brain will not improve.  Or, as a bumper sticker I saw once put it, "If you can't change your mind, how do you know it's there?"

    Archives

    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    June 2022
    March 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.